Took the 4th weekend off with lots of partying and bad food.

Today:
Tuna on sourdough with mayo and onion
Banana
Cup of tea with honey
Cheese on a cracker
2 mini cupcakes
Salad with girard's light dressing, egg, a little avocado, other salady stuff
My amazing mac and cheese, 2 full helpings of it
Another cup of tea

Walked Lake Merced in my reebok toning shoes which kicks my ass. Geezus those things are evil. Awesome. But evil. I was gonna do yoga too on the OnDemand but, yeah, that aint happening.

Tomorrow's goal is either gym with 2 miles of running or doing at least five miles outside and then some yoga. It's sort of weather dependent at this point. I'm trying to be out and about so I'm not cooped up all the time but that doesn't always work. We'll see...

Tuesday: Chicken wings and beer. So very much beer. Oh, and a salad. Being drunk makes it hard to work out. So Tuesday was a wash.

Wednesday: Hungover. Piece of lasagna in the house. Dr Pepper. Avacado salad. 2 cocktails. A popover. A hamburger and fries, of which I only ate half and then a couple of fries. Shared a peach pie.

We're in the midst of thinking this body is never gonna change and feeling hideous so. Yeah. We're gonna try and work through that today, plus overcome the fantastic back pain going on from being female. We'll see how this goes...

A container of raspberries.

Refried potatoes, shredded cheddar cheese, 4 scrambled eggs (yes, the 4th was unnecessary), half an avocado, salsa. (Have I mentioned I am an amazing cook? I impress even myself lately.)

7 mile walk. Noriega and Great Highway to Land's End, through Land's end on the coastal trail (OMG stairs), and back. I thought I did this pretty fast but didn't do any running and need to not pause.

Dr Pepper. God I love Dr Pepper. This is what motivated me to get done. Not even lying.

3 wing strips, cold out of the fridge dipped in ranch.

Popcorn, made in oil with about a tablespoon of butter.

Tea and 3 dark chocolate squares.

I had planned on just eating fruit for dinner (apples and bananas) but it's effing freezing here (YAY! SAN FRANCISCO SUMMER YAY!) and I needed something warm so the popcorn. It hit the spot.

Tomorrow? Let's do it a little better. Think I'll end up at the gym since it's supposed to rain here and would like to sneak in some yoga too since I still haven't done that but I have done a lot of walking through the house stretching.

Oh just fail

I drank that bottle and a half of wine last night so I was of course utterly useless today.

I ate more of my wing strips around noon.

I made my friend and I homemade burgers with home made roasted potatoes for dinner. I then covered those potatoes with cheese and ate them as a midnight snack.

Oh, and copious amounts of Dr Pepper. Of course.

The burger thing is actually genius. I wanted a burger, didn't want to get in car and go get fast food so I had the genius to go to the produce store and make them. Though I think it helps that it is good meat from the local produce store and good ciabbata...and having a gas grill grate on the stove, I am also damn impressed with myself as a cook. So good.

But. I didn't work out. I didn't accomplish anything. I didn't eat right. Fuck.

Chicken nachos at the giants game, a couple sips of diet coke, chicken wing strips homemade at home with plenty of ranch dressing and a little bit of lettuce. A bottle of wine and a third of another which will likely be all (more like half) of it. The only exercise is the walking up the ramp at the ballpark and the dancing around the house I did with lots of stretching, which I actually DID do. I fail at today. Sigh. Tomorrow...

Oh, and handfuls of croutons in between the ball game and the wing strips.

Alright...

I've hit a dieting plateau. And as it is PISSING ME OFF, I've decided to reinstate this here very boring blog and see where I am going wrong/what further changes we can make.

10 a.m.-ish 1 banana
1 p.m.-ish Chorizo breakfast scramble at Stack's: chorizo, scambled eggs, cheese, olives, salsa, sour cream (no more than 2 tbsp), guacamole. Side of hash browns (Which weren't that good and if they aren't that good, I need to remember not to eat them. Bad, Lisa! I'm trying to stay away from potatoes in general but this is effing difficult. I love the suckers. I think moderation is the tactic to take but damn how I love them so! WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LIKE HAVE TO BE BAD FOR ME?!)
6:45 p.m. 5 lamb chops, broiled with a breadcumb and mustard crust. Roasted carrots and cauliflower.

9:00: Gym: 30 minutes elliptical at ten resistance for 360 calories. 10m30 rowing for 2k meters, 107 calories. Stretching. I didn't really push myself at the gym. I should have run. But it's a Friday night and despite that many of the treadmills were full and I just couldn't stand to be there anymore.

I pondered getting on the scale tonight at the gym but as my mood was hovering somewhere around raging hell bitch, I decided I best forego that particular experience for another time. I could imagine it being soul crushingly disappointing. I know, muscle weight more than fat blah blah. And: secret: I used to be a full size 20. 20. I am now comfortably an 18 and fit in some 16s. I'd like to be a 14 by the end of the summer. Theoretically, a dress size is ten pounds so really that's 20 pounds. Let's push for that.

Since my trainer moved to Thailand, I have been doing the core stuff that makes me strong and kickass not at all. I need to do some ondemand of that. I'll make that a goal for this weekend and then try to incorporate that in at least twice a week. Deal? I also need a training partner. Someone to make me push it a little bit harder and faster on each workout. I'm thinking of asking my cousin but we'll see... If anyone else would like to volunteer, let me know.

And lastly:
10:30 p.m.: 4 swigs of Dr Pepper out of a 2 liter bottle. Here's the deal: I'm giving up soda. I am. For serious. Today was the 4th day without it. Well, until... I know it's bad for you. It's straight awful. But I LOVE Dr Pepper. And not that this is an excuse because we should never use food as an excuse or a comfort but I was in an awful mood today. AWFUL. Blame my mother. Or blame my hormones. Whatever. Anyway, last weekend when I was at the beach house, I bought a 2L of the stuff and left some of it in the fridge. When I arrived here just now, sweaty from my workout and still not in the best of moods, before I opened the fridge I thought, "If it's still here, I'm drinking some!" And lo, there it was. I was gonna drink it all. There's not much left in the bottle. But I took four swigs (yes, from the bottle), satiated myself, feel better, and am good with that. It's akin to eating a square of chocolate, right? So yes, soda is empirically awful for you. But sometimes? I think I just need a goddamn Dr Pepper.

Fuck I'm bored. And tired of staring at notes. And hating life. Debating the gym but gah I don't even know if I have the energy for that. And I need chocolate. Seriously. The chocolate thing is out of control.

Today: I made a ridiculous breakfast. (This is so not helping with the blah diet blah of the title.) Whenever my family does the long weekends in Santa Rosa we go across the street to Lyons. This is the ONLY time I go to Lyons. But they have skillets and those are awesome. Today? I made my own. Kinda. Handful of roasted potatoes chopped up and heated up in a little olive oil. 3 strips bacon. 3 eggs, scrambled. Handful of shredded cheddar cheese which I placed over the potatoes and then put the eggs on top of that. Salsa and sour cream to garnish. Throw all on a plate and eat. Was delicious. I love my ability to cook. No, seriously, I pretty much rock a kitchen.

100 calorie granola bar. 100 calorie pack cinnamon things. Two or three handfuls of crispix.

Dinner: lentil curry soup thing my stepdad makes. Pretty good but why the fuck he has to start making it at noon and has to make so much noise when making it is fucking beyond me. Noisiest person in the kitchen EVER. Hot dog on a whole wheat bun with ketchup and onions. My mom fried the hot dog in butter which I could have done without but I'm not in charge of the kitchen right now, so, whatever. Homemade mac and cheese, mmm, two pretty small servings of.

No exercise. I'm studying. POORLY. Piss poorly. Gah. Whatever. But still: Gah.

Yesterday: A butt ton of McNuggets (Stupid 20 for $5 deal. I ate about 15. Typing that is nauseating, but truth so...) and a medium fries with a Dr Pepper. Some days are just those days.

Though! I did walk the great highway and finally enjoyed the sun. It was fantastic. The sun is now gone. Back to fog.

For dinner: 1 lamb chop, some roasted potatoes, a lot of salad which my mother routinely puts too much dressing on. Sigh. Oh well.

Today: 3 pieces of bacon, 2 fried eggs, handful of roasted potatoes
Williams Sonoma S'More. My need for chocolate during bar study is exponentially higher than it is normally.
Dinner: tri-tip sandwich with provolone cheese. Tater tots and ketchup.

Fun fact: The fish oil pills I've been taking that have not at all been helping my skin despite someone swearing that they would be good for it? Yeah. Because you are supposed to take 3 a day. WHO KNEW? I took 2 today. We'll up it tomorrow.

Oh and I did curls, biceps, and triceps along with reverse push-ups while watching Stick It. Missy Peregrym's abs were motivation.

2 Dr Peppers (it was that kinda day)
5 wing strips with ranch
100 calorie pack of cinnamon crisp things
2 mint and chocolate quaker chewy "granola" bars
Filet of halibut in caper butter sauce
6 stalks asparagus
large serving of salad with avocado and shrimp, HOPR dressing

Since I'm a god awful studier ANYWAYS, I'm leaving the house tomorrow to get some sun. This monastic thing isn't working. Even when I convince myself this test stands between me and everything I want. Think I'm taking an internet hiatus for the next several days. Just gonna cut the cord and be away and focus on studying.

I have to get out tomorrow. This self inflicted monastic living is driving me BATTY.

Ravioli, about a cup, with parm cheese
Prime rib bone meat.
A couple handfuls of reduced fat triscuits
Dr Pepper
Large quesadilla: 2 flour tortillas, chicken breast meat, bunch of cheese, salsa, medium sized avocado, couple tablespoons of sour cream.

All I did was walk around the black. Gah.

I don't even remember what I did yesterday so, yeah, whatever.

Today I was starving all day.

Granola bar in the morning.
Chicken thigh with skin and yummy rice stuff my mom makes at 11.
A shit ton (always a technical term) of Crispix. This is my bar study savior food.
3 foil wrapped chocolate snowmen.
Chicken leg, cold, from the fridge.
Cheeseburger from Joe's of Westlake (So good. Cut the roof of my mouth though)
3 raviolies from my side of Joe's. Saving rest for tomorrow.
Like 10 baby carrots.

No Dr Pepper or 5 hour energy! So proud of myself for that.

2 cups of tea.

It's weird to NOT be hungry all the time, even today when I am hungry, I'm not eating a particular lot.

Exercise is also taking a back seat to bar study. It's unfortunate but I need to focus on that so that's what we're doing. I, apparently, have an inability to work out AND study. C'est ca. 5 solid hours of studying in and I'm gonna force in another hour and a half of essay writing. SO MUCH FUN!

Walked Lake Merced in an hour (using the bridge). Not usually working out outside of a gym, my hips and knees are STILL killing me from pounding it out on pavement. Ouch. Good to feel it though and know what I am capable of.

A bunch of carrots and 4 boneless wing strips with ranch dressing. Dr Pepper.

5 beers, a glass of rum on ice. (And that felt freaking good, btw. I love my friends.)

Shrimp tortellini in cream sauce. (Bad call. All around bad call. Whatevs.)

And one amazingly awful sinus headache.

Let's do this. I've been slacking off and that's my own fault. There's really no excuse.

So:
Lunch: 2 large flour tortillas, chicken breast, half a cup or so of shredded cheddar cheese, couple tablespoons of sour cream, salsa. Or more simply: homemade quesadilla
12 oz Dr Pepper

Dinner: 3 pancakes with butter and "maple syrup" (Log Cabin, thus mostly HFCS)
3 links of maple sausage, 2 pieces of bacon
Glass of 1% milk

And that's it. Not so bad, actually.

The problem is working out. I haven't been to the gym since...Monday? And I haven't been consistently at all. Believe it or not, attempting to work your brain all the time leaves you freaking exhausted. EXHAUSTED. I'm hoping to go tonight but in reality I think we're more looking at tomorrow morning. I need to figure out how to balance all of this and not be filled with the self loathing. We're working on it. Slowly.

Update: and four chocolate snowmen. Like foil wrapped things. From Christmas. Ya know what I mean, right? Right.

Quickly:

30 minutes elliptical, slow and steady

15 minutes walking on the treadmill, thought I was gonna die.

15 minutes of stretching. Ahhh. That felt good.

3 scrambled eggs with cheese and salsa for breakfast

10 chips dipped in sour cream. Hey, we all got our vices. 

A shit ton of Crispix (yes, that's an actual number)

Salad for dinner: lettuce, red onion, bell pepper, croutons, ranch dressing

Some English Toffee I found that was from Disneyworld. Woot woot.

Not bad for the food. Note: NO SODA. Quite the little victory today. The cardio needs to be worked on but we'll get there. 

It was frustrating to realize this will never end. There will never be a day where I don't need to worry about working out and can just take weeks off at a time, but that's the price you pay for trying to achieve your goals, right? Ugh. 

I went to the gym. Finally. That sucked. 20 minute elliptical, 20 sad pathetic minutes on the treadmill at 3.2 mph, 20 minutes on the trike. I have no lungs still. And because of how I sit on my bed all the time, I am listing right. I'm a retard.

Though! In food:
All I had today was a handful of reduced fat triscuits, a Dr Pepper, 3 hard candies I scrounged in my room, lots of water, half a bag of haribo gummy bears (all other kinds are invalid) and am now shoving Crispix in my face. And barring anything major, this will be all I eat today.

Now: I realize this is not the healthiest approach and will certainly not be a regular occurrence but it actually kinda feels nice to not have consumed 8000 calories a day.

Tomorrow I plan on going to the produce store and getting stuff so I can have salads. And probably eating a burrito. Because for some reason, in my brain, a burrito is way healthier than fast food, amIrite?

Note to self: after being sick for a week and still having a cough, you will NOT, I repeat NOT, be able to pick up doing the 90 minutes of cardio where you left off. I slogged through 45 minutes just now and wanted to die while doing that. AND because my gym is the only gym on EARTH with non-working equipment in the new year, I couldn't do the machines I wanted in the order I wanted. (First World Problems.) But ya know what? About the crowded gym and machines? All these people that like go to the gym often bitch about how crowded the gym is right now. To those people I say: STFU. I mean. Really. Let's say half the U.S. makes a new years resolution to lose weight. And of those half a quarter join the gym. And of that 1/4 maybe...what...5%? stick with it past the month of January. So to that 5% I say ROCK ON! Good for you! I can handle the gym being a little crowded for a bit so you can have at it. I'm also hoping to be with that 5% this year so all you naturally skinny, genetically blessed, gym rats can suck it. Good for you, fatties! /rant

Yesterday I woke up still sick. And I was annoyed that I was still sick. I ate some oatmeal, felt ridiculously tired still and said, "Fuck it. I'm just going to sleep until I wake up not feeling sick." This worked until 2 p.m. when my mom came home and wanted to know why the hell I was still asleep. I woke up for a bit then but mostly laid in bed miserable. I ate a little bit of dinner, watched the Sugar Bowl, and then laid in bed before taking 2 Tylenol PM and going to bed at midnight (reasonable for me). And lo! I woke up feeling infinitely better. But still with a cough, which is more annoying than anything.

So today:
3 pieces of bacon, 2 eggs, 2 pieces of toast
Ginger Ale
Tuna with mayonnaise and red onions on 6 crackers
For dinner is roast chicken and veggies, I believe, maybe potatoes? I'll try not to gorge myself on dessert tonight but who knows.

45 minutes of cardio at the gym.
15 walking
5 jogging
10 of hell on the elliptical that is not the one I usually use
15 minutes on the trike

Tomorrow: We go a little further, a little faster, and eat a little better.

This has taken a break as I've been sick. Stupid flu. I both don't have any appetite and am only eating crap so...it's kind of a wash, I guess. I'm gonna head back to the gym after a five day hiatus tomorrow as soon as I wake up, which I am hoping is at a reasonable hour and need to break this 3 a.m. bedtime, 11 a.m. wake up time pattern.

That is all for now.

SO EXCITING! WHEE!

Gah.