Just Eat Less!

My coworker told me today, "You just have to eat less." WELL THANK YOU FOR THAT FABULOUS INSIGHT! I hadn't considered that, person who needs to lose ten pounds and not 100 pounds! WHY DON'T I JUST DO THAT!

Because we all know it's not that simple. It's never that simple. Because the logical rational part of my brain that knows I should eat healthy for my future self and that moderation is good and excess is bad shuts off when food is placed in front of me. When food is placed in front of me, delicious, wonderful, cheesy, melty, fattening food, my brain goes, "ARGH BARGH BARGH GET IN MY FAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEE!"

She also posited, in her best southern sorority girl, that "Sure, you can eat the animal style burger today but then you just eat less tomorrow." HAHAHA Okay! I'LL DO THAT TOO!

Except, again: Not how it works. "I had animal style yesterday so I don't want that so how about mcnuggets!"

I live in a world with an abundance of choices where I can indulge in almost any desire I have. As I recently read in an article, making the good (healthy) decision for future me is often overcome by my base desire to have wtf I want for right now me. And just because my conscious rational logical mind knows that the healthy choice is good, doesn't mean the me faced with all the options listed on a menu can turn off the "fettucine alfredo is the best and why not give yourself the best you've earned it you lovely unicorn!" part of my brain.

The struggle is, as they say, most DEFINITELY real.  It's like something clicks off during food satiating periods. Do I need the whole burger and all the fries on my plate? Nope. Am I gonna eat 'em all anyway? Yeeeeeep. And why? Because in that exact food satiating moment, I'm honestly not really pondering it that hard. Something has been placed in front of me, it must be the right amount, I am going to devour. And am I really enjoying it? I mean, it all tastes good. It all tastes better than smoothies and protein shakes and kale. It tastes like...deliciousness. But am I savoring it? Probably not. Because, again, brain has shut off during satiation. Fugue state? Some deeper carnal neanderthal nom nom state? I dunno what to call it. But I'm not thinking, that's for damn sure.

And no matter how many pep talks I give myself of, "We need to be better about being conscious about how and why and when and what we're eating", the second I am faced with choices or hunger, I am choosing what I WANT, not what I need, and eating all of it, with glee.

So. The advice wasn't wrong. It's just not something I haven't thought about a million times before.

In an effort to forever and always change my waistline, I have been suckered into getting a "coach" for an infomercial system, along with their protein drink system. I say suckered because I feel a bit. I had an existential crisis on Friday about paying for yet another weight loss gimmick in the ongoing battle over my weight. Like...what if it were just easier? What if it didn't matter? I wanted to pout and dig my heels in and think about how unfair it is to not be trapped in a lithe gorgeous body. And so I did. And ate all the things because the diet always starts tomorrow.

But I need this, I guess. I thought about the cost relative to the weight I want to lose and decided it wasn't that much. And having a coach and accountability and a check-in system will keep me honest. And I need to think about my own expectations of how this isn't going to happen overnight. I'm trying to remind myself to try really really hard and not be tempted by the first piece of buttery deliciousness that crosses my path. I'm trying to remind myself to think about my future self, not just the one who wants to look good in a bikini in a few months but also the one who doesn't want to be a terribly out of shape older person who is using a wheelchair to get around Disneyland. I need to be good (healthy good, not delicious good) to my current self for my future self. Does that make sense? Probably not.

Anyway. That's where we're at. About to try this again. About to try and not get derailed by myself or life circumstances. To convince myself veggies are delicious as more than just a pizza topping and that you don't need bacon at breakfast or cake after dinner, no matter how RIGHT NOW delicious those things are.